Love Letter: In the Coldest Place on Earth, Trying to Outrun a Burden of Hurt

"Memories of the event came flooding back, my confidence crumbled, and I ran as far away as possible — to Antarctica."

View in browser|nytimes.com Continue reading the main story July 7, 2023 By Miya Lee After being raped by two different men, Elizabeth Endicott struggled to maintain her sense of self. Only 23, she did not think she was deserving of — let alone capable of finding — a romantic relationship based on tenderness and respect. She decided to move to Antarctica, the coldest, driest and windiest continent on Earth, to work as a janitor. In this week's Modern Love essay, "Kissing a Fellow Janitor Amid the Trash," Ms. Endicott describes how a community of earnest scientists and the second life of recycled refuse gave her the courage to begin again. MODERN LOVE "The endless white invited existential dread, and again I remembered the events that drove me here. Nobody had loved me the way I'd needed, and nobody ever would." Brian Rea MODERN LOVE Kissing a Fellow Janitor Amid the Trash After two assaults, I sought healing on the coldest, driest and windiest continent on Earth. By Elizabeth Endicott Subscribe Today We hope you've enjoyed this newsletter, which is made possible through subscriber support. Subscribe to The New York Times with this special offer. Continue reading the main story ADVERTISEMENT MORE MODERN LOVE "I was pursuing women. But next semester, when I saw Steve, a decidedly male student in a turtleneck, my entire body shook with passionate interest." Brian Rea MODERN LOVE Tiny Love Stories: 'My Entire Body Shook With Passionate Interest' Modern Love in miniature, featuring reader-submitted stories of no more than 100 words. Brian Rea The Gift of Holiday Men The hole left by generations of absentee fathers is filled by a powerful matriarchy. By Anna Martin, Julia Botero, Christina Djossa, Hans Buetow, Jen Poyant, Sara Sarasohn, Sophia Lanman, Dan Powell and Marion Lozano LOVE AND MARRIAGE "I started an elaborate questioning, 'Are you just doing this because I'm pregnant? When did you buy the ring?'" Katie Baechler VOWS She Drew the Line at Marriage, Then Happily Crossed It. When her first marriage ended badly, Brooke Rinehart swore never to marry again. Then she met Tom Sinnott. The two developed a special closeness and agreed to start a family together. By Valeriya Safronova Natura Collective MINI-VOWS After a Hurricane, Presenting a Rainbow Fabric Ring Molly Gaebe proposed to Leila Bozorg with a rainbow fabric ring and the help of the couple's favorite drag queen. By Rosalie R. Radomsky James Estrin/The New York Times STATE OF THE UNIONS 'Happy Together,' Yet Still Indifferent About Marriage Dianne Cox and Michael Cammer, who had been together for almost 25 years before saying "I do," both struggle with traditional labels after six years of marriage. By Tammy LaGorce Caroline Stout, Caro Liz Creative MINI-VOWS The TikTok Algorithm That Brought Them Together Kelly Winget fell asleep 20 minutes after knocking on Sarah Matteson's front door for a first date. "It felt so natural to walk in there, and talk to each other a little and then just go to bed," Ms. Winget said. By Tammy LaGorce 1104 Photography MINI-VOWS A Second Chance at Love and Blended Families Michelle Evans and Eric Koch did not think second marriages were in their future — until a mutual friend urged them to connect. By Jenny Block Continue reading the main story ADVERTISMENT SERVICE CONTENT "If monogamy does not suit you, tell your spouse. This dinner is a mere footnote compared with your dishonesty in your marriage." Miguel Porlan SOCIAL Q'S I Had an Affair With Someone My Spouse and I See Socially. Help! After ending a yearslong extramarital affair, a reader worries about a coming dinner party that will be attended by both the former lover and the reader's spouse. By Philip Galanes Illustration by Tomi Um THE ETHICIST Can I Resell My Taylor Swift Concert Tickets for Thousands of Dollars? The magazine's Ethicist columnist on the fairness of selling a scarce good at an exorbitant price. By Kwame Anthony Appiah LOVE IN THE NEWS "The DeSantis team shared the video the same day that the Supreme Court ruled in favor of a Christian web designer who refused to create wedding websites for same-sex couples, putting the rights of L.G.B.T.Q. people on shaky legal footing." Haiyun Jiang for The New York Times DeSantis, Seeking Attention, Uses L.G.B.T.Q. Issues to Attack Trump The Florida governor sought to contrast his record opposing gay and transgender rights in a video highlighting comments made by the former president during the 2016 campaign — but has gotten some pushback. By Nicholas Nehamas and Maggie Haberman Desiree Rios/The New York Times About 20 states have anti-discrimination laws specifically protecting L.G.B.T.Q. people. The laws explicitly protect people from being refused services or otherwise discriminated against in public because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. By Ruth Graham Mariam Zuhaib/Associated Press The Court Delivers Another Reassuring Decision for Religious Conservatives Allowing a web designer to refuse to provide services for same-sex marriages follows other recent rulings that have been cheered by the Christian right. By Ruth Graham Sarah Blesener for The New York Times Bill de Blasio and Chirlane McCray Are Separating Mr. de Blasio's marriage helped fuel his campaign for mayor of New York, and his intense personal and political bond with his wife drew admiration and scrutiny. By Matt Flegenheimer Matt McClain/The Washington Post, via Getty Images It's Getting Hard to Stage a School Play Without Political Drama At a time when lawmakers and parents are seeking to restrict what can and cannot be taught in classrooms, many teachers are seeing efforts to limit what can be staged in their auditoriums. By Michael Paulson Saumya Khandelwal for The New York Times Rahul Mishra's Ethos Is 'Slow Fashion' On July 3, the designer is making another appearance at Paris Haute Couture Week. South Asian wedding wear helps keep his business of "mindful luxury" thriving. By Sadiba Hasan Max THIRD WHEEL Ignoring the Red Flags for the Thrill "The Idol" was bad, but it did get one thing right: Sometimes we pick people we know we shouldn't. By Gina Cherelus We want to hear your stories. Here's how to submit a Modern Love essay or an Unhitched column. Don't feel like writing more than two tweets, an Instagram caption or a Facebook post? Consider submitting to Tiny Love Stories, which are no more than 100 words. Continue reading the main story Need help? Review our newsletter help page or contact us for assistance. You received this email because you signed up for Love Letter from The New York Times. To stop receiving Love Letter, unsubscribe. To opt out of other promotional emails from The Times, including those regarding The Athletic, manage your email settings. To opt out of updates and offers sent from The Athletic, submit a request. Subscribe to The TimesGet The New York Times app Connect with us on: Change Your EmailPrivacy PolicyContact UsCalifornia Notices The New York Times Company. 620 Eighth Avenue New York, NY 10018